i was laughing my head off earlier because as i was sat on the plane there was a fly just flying around everywhere and it only just kicked in that that one fly had moved from portugal to england without even knowing it and it was going to fly out the plane and be like “wtf is going on why am i here why at all where’s bob what hello” and it would have to make new friends and omfg
Going back and reading everything makes me cry. It breaks my heart all over again.
I haven’t posted in so long. So much has changed in my life in these past few weeks. I often come back to my page and just read everything.
There is seriously nothing I regret more than letting you get to me. I hate everything about our friendship and how awful I always felt. You tore me apart and broke me down. You literally broke my heart and I don’t know if I have it in me to ever be okay with you again. I always find myself thinking of things I would die to say to you. I wish you could see what you did to me, but you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to see me so raw and vulnerable. I have never felt so much disgust and dislike for another human being in my life. My world revolved around you and how you made you feel. I feel awful for the people who had to put up with me and how broken and upset I was all the time. I am so blessed to say that I am so much better off without you. I am so happy to say I have genuinely moved on from the things that broke me down. God put me in that situation to make me stronger and teach me things about myself.
From that, I have a brand new perspective on everything in life. I was led to make my life more centered around God and less around myself and other people. My summer was full of doings God’s work and be fulfilled by His love. I have never been so moved to change my life more than I did at Foundations camp. I met so many amazing people who have inspired me to grow more in my faith. I have made so many amazing friends who I know truly love me and will always be there for me. God has so many amazing plans for this year and I cannot wait to see what happens.
Moving away from home has been everything I needed. I really don’t miss very many people. I don’t feel like many of the people who are supposed to be my “best” friends are actually my best friends if friends at all. I mean I haven’t made much of an effort, but I guess after everything I went through I’m just over caring so much and trying so hard. It’s everyone else’s turn, I’m done. My heart breaks because of how things have turned out with you, but we are going in completely different directions and I know that everything happens for a reason. I miss you so much, but I’m not sure how I fit into who you are and who you want to be. I try to tell myself that I don’t care anymore and that I’m okay with how everything has ended up, but it hurts so much more than I will ever let you know. I am so upset with you that I just get angry, but I guess it’s just not important anymore.
I truly feel like I am finding myself and the people I am supposed to be with. It will definitely take some getting used to, but I know God will help me through all the changes. I know the people I have spent my summer with and I am spending my time with now is where I was and am supposed to be.
I don’t know if any of this made any sense at all and I don’t know if you even care at all, but I really just need to let it all out. It felt damn good too.